Fair Weather

18 11 2009

SO, it has been long. Contemplation is not on top of my priority list these days. why? For a change, Life is happening. Not only the ‘hep’ way, but also, actually commencing, going on, being proactive. When the mind is blissfully engaged in classrooms and libraries, and cafes and scintillating company, to be honest, and laughter (the real, gushing, blushing, heartwarming, gurgling, bright type) is as inevitable as feeling hungry, or hitting Facebook, it is completeness. And now, winter is in – Ta Da! After long, everything feels RIGHT. Doing what i want to do and doing it wallowing in constant mirth is what i call Doing It with Elan. Gosh, how i gush!

I hate to admit this, but I am a bit superstitious about talking of the good parts of my life. As in I feel, happiness, when shared, is often jinxed, the moment it is talked of loud. Like the proverbial butterfly, lounging on your shoulder – you turn to capture it, it is gone. And so, I wish you’d knock on wood right now for you’d be doing me a great favour and leaving me at peace, if only till my next outpour of joy. cheers!





Literature Gurus

31 05 2009

I’ve always had a tryst of sorts with my English teachers. I think most people do, if movies are anything to go by in – Dangerous Minds and Dead Poets Society (even though that was one really boring movie) for instance. They have this aura of the romantics about them that makes them so appealing, I guess. Or maybe it is the idealism or a general utopian aspiration or at least a hope for a beautiful world as words can paint, that makes them so enigmatic a species.

The farthest back that I can remember is my English teacher at DAV, Ludhiana, a Mr Yogesh Duggal. I was in third grade then, this man doubled as our class teacher as well. Apart from being obviously handsome, in a very Punjabi way, clean shaven, gora and well built, he knew his subject. What he didn’t know was how to treat his students. Most of the girls had a crush (or whatever you can have at age 8 ) of sorts on him initially, and he returned the admiration – he was hugely biased towards us girls, specially the smart ones who got good marks and all. The boys loathed him though, and what made it worse was that he created an achievers club of sorts that had the privilege of lunching with him. About five of us would be summoned to the back benches of the class during lunch, and we’d take our special seats with him. In retrospect, he wasn’t a very good man, since he used horrible physical force against students who did poorly, but that’s another story.

Then, at DPS Bokaro, there was Mr R K Nayak, who belonged to Orissa and was arguably the best teacher I’ve had till date. Needless to say, I did have a crush on him, as did almost every other girl in class. He was funny, vivacious, full of energy – he’d make us enact the plays in our text book, he’d make hilarious speeches at school assemblies about diction in different parts of the country, where others gave long winding moral monologues, which were certainly responsible for the high rate of girls fainting right at the beginning of the day. He’d be there for us when we wanted consultation about anything. He was my first experience of the chilled out fella, since I’d only ever encountered very authoritarian teachers before him. And his coolness made him quite endearing.

And then there was Ms Shubhra Chatterjee in grade 8 in Amity, Noida – beautiful, strict and all-round fantastic. She’d play kho kho with the older students, and we couldn’t wait to grow up to that age, just so we’d get the chance to get informal with her too. She had a high thin voice that was very distinctive, despite the umpteen jokes that cruel teenage boys would make of it. We were always on the lookout to impress our sultry, exotically grey-eyed gorgeous English teacher. And when she did bestow us with a 100 watt Colgate smile (she had really white really even teeth), our day would be made.

Of course, there was Ms Annie at St Josephs, Trichy, who I hardly remember anything about, except that I really loved her and her handwriting and that I’d ape her style of tick marking whenever we played ‘teacher-teacher’. And Mrs Meera Sharma, also at Amity, who was too principled at one level but appreciated my compositions.

And all of the literature faculty at Ramjas. Particularly Mr Debraj Mookerji, Mrs Ahuja, Mrs Chandra and Mrs Bhalla and Mr Hemant Sharma. In their classes, or interactions otherwise, we could feel that love for the subject, and they’d somehow transfer it to us. And so, we spent wondrous winter hours, toasting in the sun in the English lawns, discussing theorists or poets, and feeling generally warm and very pleased with ourselves.

And for all the bad times I had in school for lack of interest in a subject, peer pressure or just plain laziness, English or literature classes always made up. Partly, in all honesty, because it was always one subject I was decent at (and I say this in all modesty), but also because I’ve been lucky to have had awesome gurus. What a good teacher can manage is unbelievable, and the kind of respect they earn for life is something on the same lines.





Father Figure

24 11 2008

These few lines, penned in a few moments of weird homesickness, dedicated to my father…

You held me by the arms, so I could feel the thrill
As the waves crashed on us, 
And you hung on to me while I fluttered
Like a dry petticoat on a clothes line,
And laughed and spluttered while
Salt water went up my nose.

You threw me into the air,
Only to catch me again in upturned arms,
And I’d giggle in mid-flight
Through my exhilaration at my freedom,
And be tickled by that unbearable lightness of being.

You’d make pens, watches, books, my dolls
Vanish into thin air.
And re-conjure them from under your arms
You’d laugh at my childish wonder
While I’d be ecstatic that you were a magician
And I’d laugh because I was your child.

You slapped me hard across the face,
You wanted me to concentrate –
Maths was my weakness, insincerity caused you anguish,
You taught me the subject with a number of blows
And I was happy when my report card read Maths: 94.

You sat me down while I bawled,
Because ma had just yelled at me “for no reason”
“its not fair!!” I shouted – “I want my life!”
Well, you said, you have it: go to your party,
But remember, you’ll know someday,
LIFE is hardly ever fair.

You held my hand as we took a post-dinner walk,
We talked of this and that; him and her
You gave me perspective,
You allowed me opinion, you did all you could,
To make me understand the value of both sides of the coin.

You sat at the edge of my bed,
With tears in your eyes – why did you lie to us?
Your disappointment poured out of your eyes,
We were all heart-broken at my deceit,
But you gave me my second chance,
You still let me leave.

Open your mind! Read! Look out the window!
No point staring straight ahead!
You’d be irritated when I showed signs of brain-deadedness.
This one life is a gift, you’d say,
Live it, my child, you’d implore.
For you, today, I see, feel, read and chronicle.

We stand waist-deep in the sea again,
We’re happy today, with blue water and white sand
All around us. Your troubled back makes you wary
Well, I’m just your girl pa, not your strong(er) sons,
But I’ll hang on to you, And we’ll ride the high crescent
And then scatter the Bay of Bengal
With broad smiles and our exuberance in the sun.





This moment

2 09 2008

 

twisted villas

twisted villas - by J Karam

Michael Jackson sings of his lovely days that are gone.

the office is beginning to get frantic, in a bid to meet deadlines. I sit in a corner, gaze at my computer, drink some coffee, ponder over ‘money for nothing’ and fidget in my chair, in various ways – tap the inside of the table, swivel my chair between a degree here n there. bob the head coz whatsisname is singin ‘unwell’, and i feel the sniffles coming on, as the virus takes over on auto pilot mode.

images chase each other in the head, scurrying around the (few) grey cells, playing at being Sponge-Bob Square-Pants. visions, sounds, aromas, ideas, solitudes, feelings, aspirations, blankness – past, present, future (that would be bleakness). many frolicking toddlers, down ‘Chhatra Marg’, with the trees and the sun, on the cycle-rickshaws, with the coffees, and the melodies, past companies (now gone sour). many shadows, many more replete-with-satisfaction moments, music, intoxications, histories, journals, stage performances, good intentions. blissful boredom, tea stalls, chocolate muffins, conversations, predominant strains of humour – good and bad. three years of sheer love, sheer beauty, sheer indulgence.  

What a journey it has been!

Bless thy heart, o days of yonder. for giving me this chance to indulge in a bit of what’s been and done, the beauty of immortal castles constructed, that will stay forever with me, and where a part of me shall stay forever.





Hanging off a Pendulum!

29 05 2008

its a new life. once a student, now an employee. a part of the purpose of my education solved. being independent comes at a cost. the cost of time, money and one’s own sweat n toil. is it worth it? time alone will tell.

when i was in school, i couldn’t wait to grow up. i used to look at all the adults around me and admire them for their…’adultness’ and composure, the way they carried themselves. the opinions and the self composure. and today, when i can be called an adult by my own definition, i don’t feel like it at all. its not chronological time that makes you feel old, its what you do with that time that makes a difference. they say that the experience accumlated over a period of time is what tells your age and the level of wisdom one has attained. seems to be true. in any case, amen. guess its important to be careful what you’re wishing for.

Then there is the office. a 100 faces glued to computer screens, in pursuit of the perfect broadsheet of morrow. a 100*10 fingers frantically flying over keyboards, punching out the symphony of ‘objectivity’. sometimes not. gossip, tension, electricity, humidity, complexes-superiority mostly, egoes all part of the atmosphere, causing a degree of claustrophobia. the stratosphere populated with fluorescent tubelights, which never let u know the time of the day. and the all-pervading air of absorption, of busy-ness, of importance. like we’re all there to save the world, since it is elemental to human survival. jeepers!

but then again, friendly faces, helpful attitudes, a sense of solidarity and a sense of humour more than make up for the initial overwhelming intimidation.

but this sense of constantly being suspended on a tangent, swaying between the grown up world and whats more familiar is, sometimes, unnerving. why is it so much harder to find a firm foothold in the minefield that is life than it ever can be trying to climb a mountain? and to think, we’re not goats, and we’re the ones that rule the earth! collectively, i guess, the human community can throw up a few huge successful names and feel generally proud of themselves, but when it comes to individual trajectories, we’re all staving away our disappointments to ruminate on in solitude. and feel a little less sure of ourselves than we like to show to the world.

its a new life , yes. lets see how we deal with it. and just how much wiser it all makes me!